Lesbian

I am torturing myself. LOL Story is sick, which is my fault she came over last weekend when my kids were sick and she always gets it ten times worse than anyone else. She has been down and out for a week now. I feel like a part of me is missing when she is not around.
Me, her and Ann are supposed to go to a bridal show Sunday, but it all depends if Story feels any better. I gave her a promise ring, I had is whole shpeel of crap I wanted to say when I gave it to her, but it was weird with Seth there and I chickened out. I never even told her it was a promise ring.
I wrote her the poem she asked me for, I actually quite excited to read it to her. I'll post it here tonight or tomorrow.
Ann took pictures of us that came out awesome!!! But for Story's protection I can't post them yet. Maybe someday. She, once again gave me permission to take pics of her....those kinda pics. I wouldn't exploit them in any way, they would only be mine. But by the time we got home Seth and are were arguing and it fell through....again. I am so bummed out. She would do the most beautiful pictorials!!
Anyways.... Ohhh I got a new tat. The lesbian symbol, the two circles with the cross..it's like that only it is shaped into a heart. I want her name on me but I am not sure how she would feel about that. I'll wait.
And stupid me...I watched the L word for the first time...and now I am obsessed with that too. And it sucks to, it just makes me miss her more. But shane...
OMG..HAve you seen Shane in the L word?? Wow I am obsessed. lol Even my straight sister is in love.
It is mostly her personality on the show, but from I see she is quite the same in real life. Very independent and free willed.
She has taken a spot next to my Story in the vivid fantasies that fill my head.
Okay well that's it for now, off to watch more L Word....How fucking cliche

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Well...Hi. Things are going alright. I talked to our therapist (provided by CPS) and our CPS worker. They both are going to close our case on the 5th of August. They said we have done everything and everything looks good.
Somehow the therapist has got Seth out looking for a job. I am trying to be supportive. He expects me to shout it from the rooftops that he got an interview. But this isn't the first time he has got a job. He's fine with working until the money has to go to bills. So I am being supportive, reserved, but still supportive.
Saturday is my Bean's 2nd birthday! Right now she is all about Spongebob. It is going to be awesome. I painted a spongebob and cut the face out so we can take pics of the kids. I painted a giant pineapple to play pin the sponge in his house.
Plus limbo and a shit load of bubbles. lol
God, it's going to be great!
I downloading all the spongebob music from the shows and some Harry Bellafonte and beach boys. I can't wait for Saturday!!!

So that's all that is really going on. Things will Seth have been okay. I haven't told him yet. But I think he knows....
When we have sex he spends the whole time describing Story to me or someone else. And all these details.
It ends up making me cry... Like it's weird. I am nowhere and then he starts telling me about some great night making out with a girl and taking her home... and so on. By then I....Well I just explode.... But I end up crying. I think it's out of the guilt. Guilt that I haven't told him. Or guilt cause....
Well shit I raised Catholic...I should just naturally have anot of guilt. lol

I don't know if I mentioned my sister on here.... She's out of job corps. She has her own apartment and a boyfriend. She has no food so she and her bf stay at my house all the time. Today I had to go to the food pantry. It was embarassing. But I just needed a little help to make it till the end of the month. I made gucii man (Her bf) go with me. He still don't have a job. It's sad. He is alot like Seth. The games, the lies...Ann is terrified of ending up like me. I don't blame her. She has watched this go on for all 6 years. I'm scared too.

Fear of the unknown....

So that's it for now. Gotta eat dinner and watch Harper Valley PTA.. haha.