A new start

So this is the first post... Today is June 2nd. It's my birthday. I got t spend a few minutes with my kids, and a couple happy birthdays. I did laundry and cleaned up a bit, still gotta do the bathroom. I went to domestic violence group. But I didn't get to talk. (there was a new girl who would not shut up.)
I am starting over in the blogging world. My life is no longer about BDSM. I need a place to start fresh.
I am Jane. I am 26. I have 2 kids, a boy and a girl. I have been married almost 6 years.
I have lived in domestic violence for 5 years now. I have severe depression and I am obsessed with suicide... I will get out of here...Someday.
My mother in law has my children and has had them for the last month. I miss them so much. CPS has them with her and hasn't given us a date they can come back. My husband is Seth. I'm not really sure what to tell you about him. He is him. He had an episode...I don't know what else to call it besides a tantrum. That is all I can think of is a child who doesn't get their way so they throw a fit. This is about the 5th or 6th time he has done this. He destroys anything he can get a hold of that is mine or means something to me. A big one this time was my computer. I am starting college in August.
There was a lot of things he broke, but this time he hurt my baby girl.
And it's more than he just hurt her. He took alot of drugs and kept passing out. I kept the kids in the bedroom, but he had kicked in the door. So they were seeing everything. My son thought he was dead every time he passed out and fell into something. I called my dad, begging him to help me, at the very least to come get my kids. He refused. He said I need to learn to protect them if I am going to stay with someone so abusive. Call the cops.
Well I did, sorta. I called for an ambulance because of all the drugs he took. He denied it all of course and refused treatment. So they made sure he wasn't dying and left. One of the cops talked with me and said they now he is lying and if I need help to call them again. I spent a bit of time trying to pick up what was left of my things and it started all over again, this time throwing stuff at me. So I called them back. While the one officer was very nice, the other was an asshole. They ended up taking him to a hotel so he could sleep off all the shit he took. The kids and I went to bed.
The next morning it wasn't done. He busted in the door, which he swears was locked. (It wasn't)
I called my dad. He called the cops. The cops called CPS and here we are.
We were involved with a girl...I was involved with a girl when all this happened. (She was Sissy in my other blog, but now she is Story.) I fell in love with Story almost two months before this all began. But I wasn't allowed to "be" with her unless he could watch and be in it, or pervert it in some god damn way. And he got his way. I told her I would deal with the hurt feelings. And there we were. When this all blew up she left. She is married and we were all under the agreement that is was between us. And he told. And the therapist we were seeing told. And she had her own shit to deal with now.

So this is the basic jist of where we are. Where I am. Story didn't talk to me for a month. Now she is, and it feels so good. She won't talk to Seth yet. I made it very clear if I was going to stay and work this out with him then he would have to accept that she is a part of me. And if that's not okay then I am going to have to go, move on. He agreed that is was okay, that it had always been okay. Bullshit, this morning started the jealousy, that I don't talk to her the same as him, or I call her baby, but I only call him honey.
I know what your thinking, cut him some slack... I am. I understand it's an awkward situation. But he understood how it was from the beginning. He knew I liked girls. I am not bi and married. I am lesbian and married. But I do still have sex with my husband, but I will never have sex with another guy again. I was made for a girl.
Everything is on rocky ground right now. I am in domestic violence group and we are seeing a marriage councilor, going to parenting classes and random inspections. I am trying to work things out and go along with the new therapist, even though he is an idiot. Seth likes him and Seth is the one that needs help....
So that's what's happening.
Today I am very depressed. It's my birthday and....I have nothing to show for it. No body cares.